LOST

I am lost by the cacophony of events going in my life. I am trying make sense of all the events thinking that they are for the best. But inside, my defenses have crumbled and I have lost the energy to persevere. I thought that I was strong to face all the difficulties in life, no matter how big it were. I thought that I will emerge from the chaos in my life. But instead, I am withering away while losing the brightness of life.

I am lost. There is no sense of direction to the place I am going. There is no savior to help me from this dreariness.

When life did became dull and uninteresting?

I was a child once. A single sight of dewdrop was a reason to celebrate.
I used to chase after the dragonflies in the warm autumn sun. The breeze carried the silks of red cotton tree. They floated in the air for a long time before gently landing on the ground. The nights were always accompanied with bonfire. We used to tell folklores embracing the warmth of fire and wishing that everyday would be as enjoyable as this one.

But, I had to grow. I needed to get good marks in 10th Standard. So, I was send to good boarding school in 8th standard to fulfill those expectations. I missed my house, parents and my old school friends. But, I had to leave them to get good marks. I understood that my father worked hard to get into good school. He wanted me to become successful.

Slowly, I was getting far from my parents, relatives and friends. Every year I kept distancing them more from me because I wanted to concentrate in my studies. I thought that everything would turn to normal once I finished my studies.

But, it didn't. Today I live alone in a room. I call my parents once a week. I still love them. But, there is no one to share sorrows and celebrate success.

I have cut myself aloof from society. The increasing pressures of work make me feel like leaving the place and go towards home. But, I can't do it. I have to make name for myself. I have to establish my name in this world of cut-throat competition.

But as I do that, I am becoming more and more lost. 

- Gautam Pradeep